Dial #0 if You are Just Stupid

So I was a little bored this morning and was playing with my cell phone because I had nothing better to do. I noticed, for the first time, a tiny little image just above the pound sign in the bottom right corner of the phone. It’s a little tiny lock. I think….cool….I can lock my phone. I’d been wondering about this (because I had let my niece play with my phone a few weeks ago and I was looking for a way to keep her from dialing 911…or an ex or something).

So I got so excited, I pressed the button – held it down – and locked up my cell phone. Sweet. It works. Know what else? It requires a pass code to unlock it. Ain’t security great? Wait. What? Pass code? I don’t have a pass code? I dial up every single pass code I’ve every used in my life – from my ATM code, my voicemail code, my social security number, my birth year, everything. Nothing. I find my owner’s manual (which is a miracle I still have) and find that the default code is 0000. Whheeeww. Crisis averted. I punch in the default and I get…..nothing. Still locked. Dammit.

I can fix this, I think. I can go online. I surf up the Verizon.com website and type in [what I think is] my user name and password and get nothing. I try again. Nothing. I’ve got 25 different user names and 10 passwords for 40 online accounts. None of them work. I’m getting ready to lock up my Verizon account. So I click the forget password? Link. It sends it to my email. Great. But wait, no email. Oh yeah, I use my work email. Now I have to go to work and get my damn password to log on to my account so I can try and find out why they let stupid people have cell phones. Dammit.

Okay. Think… What’s that weirdo think next to the computer that allows me to slowly connect to this damn internet….oh yeah….a real phone. An ancient artifact that’s become something like an 8-track in our technologically advanced society. They probably have one at the Smithsonian – right next to the hot-rollers and the Walkman. Fortunately for me, the non-technological mutant, I still have one. I not only have one but depend on it for my connections. For once having something old fashioned has saved me from complete embarrassment (which it would have been for me to drive down to the Verizon store and tell the cute guy behind the counter that I had somehow managed to lock myself out of my phone. So I look for a number. Need help, it asks? Just dial *89 on your cell phone. That helps. Dammit

So after 15 minutes of searching I find a 1800 number. When I call it, I'm given a series of choices…press 1 for billing, 2 for technical service, 3 for blueberries and other fruit and snacks, 4 for blah blah nano blah something pods, 5 for yadayada vcast something music players, blah blah....I press 2. It’s a technical problem. Then I'm connected to another list of choices. I don’t understand any of them. I don’t have any of these problems. Where is the default choice for “all other technical issues a.k.a. stupid people”. I randomly pick a number. I wait another 15 minutes for a kind woman who was gracious enough to tell me that, oh yeah, it’s just the last four numbers of my phone number. Sure. Yeah. Thanks. Dammit.

Moral to the story? #26 on my list ….Catch up with Technology before I lock myself out of society.