Doggy Bling

So here's one of life's greatest mysteries, in my opinion... Doggy clothes. I was at Target not too long ago and noticed they had quite an extensive collection of doggy clothing and accessories. For example, there is a little "Bling Dog Tee" in hot pink. AAhhhhh, and then there is the Leopard Print Doggy PJs. And just in case all those boy dogs are feeling left out (you know how sensitive boys can be...), there is doggy suit. There is everything from your average sweater, to pink shiny raincoats, to denim jackets (you know acid washed is coming back, right?), and lets not forget to get them their tiaras, tutus, and pearl neckaces... Swim trunks, fringe shit, Issac Mizrahi designer dresses, crocheted sweaters, smoking jackets, if you don't belive me - check it out for yourself!!

Have I died and woken up in doggy hell? Because thats exactly where my dog would feel like she was living if I bought her something so hideous. She gets pissed when I even suggest putting a bandana around her neck. So, okay, I remember once when I was a kid I put a doll dress on my cat and put her in the front yard to see what she would do. She rolled over and played dead. How could a person subject their animal to such complete and utter humiliation? I'm outraged!! Okay, so maybe occasionally you throw something fun on for a halloween party. I mean, hey, everyone is doing it so its cool. But damn doggy lingerie? And people actually think I need a hobby. Please, America, lets work together on not becoming so freakin frightening.

My New Addiction

I have a new addiction. A new way to totally waste a day at work. The Onion. I've visited the site before when friends have pointed out various articles, but I've never really spent much time reading through some of the archives and browsing the merchandise. Its beautiful. It really speaks to me. Sarcastic wisdom at its finest. LOVE IT. Some of my favorite articles include "Area Woman Emotionally Invested in Jennifer Anniston's Well-being" and "Action Figures Set Cubicles Apart."

The former summarizes our society's ridiculous obsession with Hollywood. The latter is a fav because I feel like I am the subject of of this article. My coworker (next cube over) and I share a wall that is covered in tiny fuzzy chickens, mini rubber ducks, sticky frogs, a bendable Uncle Sam and frog, a Lucky Cat from Japan (via Epcot), a lucky ceramic frog from Hawaii, an arrowhead shaped like a buffalo, and a ceramic, bejeweled snowman. No shit. I'm not lying. I'd show a picture if it weren't for the fact that one might recognize my office and figure out my oohhh soo secret identify. Course, you see one sterile cubicle, you've seen them all.

In addition to my cubicle figurines, I have decorated the walls with postcards, photographs, posters, magazine cut-outs, bullshit training certificates, tiki voodoo-like totem heads with feather sprouts coming out of the top, a limestone core sample, some unprovenienced artifacts (which can be found in any archaeologist's office), a sugar flower that came off some gross store-bought cookie, and, of course, about 45 sticky notes holding thoughts that can't seem to stay in my brain. This is both an attempt to decorate our boring grey lives and a contest to see who can tacky it up the most before getting busted by facilities management. So far - no one has really said much. I even have a calendar of half naked native Hawaiian guys under my desk - taped to the inside lower wall. Its my little half-assed secret. My friend Peter has a similar calendar sporting some hotty Hawaiian ladies. This is just what a corporate office needs, more half naked people. I think I might suggest that at our next staff meeting.

So in the meantime, check out The Onion if you haven't already.